Subject: Family Album – Grandpa Baton From: Sailor Jim Johnston Date: 1998/05/12 Newsgroups: alt.callahans Sailor Jim sits quietly, enjoying a soothing browse through his family album, when he comes upon a photo of a wild-eyed and bushy haired main in a tux. “Well, hello! This is my Grandfather Billy Baton (no, no … don’t yell ‘SHAZAM’ .. wrong guy). He was the only member of the family to ever become a music conductor. He was known for his passionate love of music and hatred of musicians. Swore up and down that it there was only some way to get the instruments to play themselves, his would be an ideal life. “I remember that one performance, years and years ago, that found him conducting Beethoven’s Ninth … with his entire bass violins section sneaking off for a couple of drinks. “Well, the basses had plotted to … Read entire article »

Subject: Family Album – Captain Kraft From: Sailor Jim Johnston Date: 1998/05/12 Newsgroups: alt.callahans Sailor Jim, relaxing after yet another semester of typing assignments for his wife (Mrs. Sailor Jim), is sitting quietly at a table. Just sipping a drink and looking through his family album, when he comes upon a faded photo of a WWI flyer. “Ahhhh … Captain Harry Kraft! Here’s an oddity for ya, shipmates. My great-great-great-granduncle was adopted by the texas side of the family, the Kraft’s of Jasper. They found him deep in the interior of Mexico, while they were on vacation, five years old, alone and crying. They took him home and raised him as their own. They named him ‘Harry’ and loved him dearly. “Years later, the lad – now grown up – enlisted in the newly formed Army Air Corp and became a fearless fighter pilot. … Read entire article »

Subject: Family Album – Uncle Zeus From: Sailor Jim Johnston Date: 1998/05/12 Newsgroups: alt.callahans Sailor Jim is still flipping through his family album and smiles with glee at the discovery of a rumpled elderly man in an equally rumpled suit. “This is my Uncle Zeus! He was the professor of the family, holding down the chair of Greek and Roman Studies at a rather famous university, which name shall not be associated with this recollection. “I remember that, one year, he recounted a Olympian tale to us during a family affair … “Seems Bacchus, the god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman deities – Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-faced god of doors and beginnings. “Needless to say, all the various gods overdid it and got completely drunk. Ceres, at one point, was staggering and whirling … Read entire article »