Articles Comments

Headline

Steamboat Billy

April 12th, 2013 | Add a Comment

I indulged in roasted garlic this week, much to my dearest wife’s dismay.  As some of you might remember, roasted garlic affects me much the same way that helium affects balloons, with the degusting end result being my end gusting in a most de-style. In-between trips out to the porch (giving the wife and cats a break), an odd memory sprang to mind, one of a seaman named William Franklyn and how he earned the nickname “Steamboat Billy.” Y’see, eggs affected him as roasted garlic does me, except that – in his case – it was rather like something had crawled up his ass and died … while eating a rotting skunk … several years ago.  Yes, one hardboiled egg with dinner was enough to send everyone scrambling for air by taps.  Of course, sailors being sailors, this meant that the rest of us were forever sneaking eggs into his meals on … Read entire article »

Latest

See? I’m still alive.

Sorry I haven’t been writing, but life has become … interesting.  (And that’s “interesting” by Sailor Jim standards, too.) My diet has been radically changed in an attempt to better control my diabetes and I’m now living on around 1500 calories a day … 1500 pretty screwed up calories a day.  The only meal that hasn’t been overhauled is breakfast, but it still hasn’t passed untouched.  I have an English muffin, a tablespoon of low fat cream cheese, an egg, and a cup of coffee.  (Basically the same breakers I’ve been eating for years, but with an English muffin in place of a bagel.) Lunch and dinner both start with four cups of spinach salad, with either … Read entire article »

Errr … is that natural?

Okay, I know that my memory isn’t what it used to be, but I do have pretty good memories of snow storms.  I lived in Los Alamos, NM, as a teen (where three feet of snow in a night wasn’t uncommon during the winter) and was stationed in Charlevoix, MI, during my career (where three feet of snow in a night wasn’t uncommon during the summer). Okay. So there is a bit of a blizzard coming through right now … and it has lightening and thunder tossed in. I don’t remember any snow fall in my entire life with lightening and thunder! Do any of you? … Read entire article »

That Government Worker Frame of Mind

Okay, so we’re facing a blizzard and my supervisor comes around to pass the word about coming in the next morning.  It was at this point that I discovered that I’ve become a true government worker. What he said was, “If you do not hear from me by seven, don’t bother coming in.” What I heard was, “If you turn your phone off before going to bed, you have tomorrow off.” And that’s only after six months of employment, shipmates.  Imagine how your average six term Congressman filters what is said to him! … Read entire article »

“Say … what cha looking at, Pop?”

First off, I’m fine and so is Brainless.  So don’t worry about either of us. So, I didn’t have enough time for lunch today and had to buy something, instead of going home.  I decided to hit a fish and chips sort of place near work.  I bought a two piece lunch and a Diet Pepsi. Come 1500, I was sick to my stomach and trying hard not to barf.  (As a long time Diet Coke drinker, I’d like to blame the Pepsi, but fear that would be unreasonable.)  I told my supervisor that I needed to go home sick and headed to the garage, where I expressed an opinion of the fish and chips sort of … Read entire article »

Okay, maybe I am a bit of a jerk …

Okay, so I’m going home for lunch … I suppose I should mention first, if only out of a desire to mitigate how this particular story makes me look, that I have an hour for lunch, but live around ten minutes away from my office.  So, with driving back and forth, I only end up with around 30 minutes to eat and enjoy being around my beautiful Dian.  Granted, that might not be the best justification, but combined with the fact that I am who I am … well, keep an open mind. So I’m driving home for lunch and I end up behind a gray sedan driving well under the limit and weaving a bit.  As … Read entire article »

A little something I’ve been working on …

I call this “Bobby the Pick” and it isn’t finished yet, but I wanted a little input on it.  (Never fear, those of you who called for it, I am working on extending the story of Lynn and Morgan … I’ll post what I have later, see if anyone likes it. The ground under my cheek was still damp from last night’s thunderstorm.  It smelled brown; thick, rich, and sticky.  I heard sirens in the distance and hoped they were for me … I didn’t have a lot left. Running footsteps through the bramble centered my attention.  “Freddy?  Damn it, man, where the hell are you?!”Carl Moroni hissed as loudly as he dared. I grinned into the mud.  … Read entire article »

Surgery

Well, I certainly hope nobody was hurt by THE BULLET I JUST FRIGGIN’ DUCKED!! NO SURGERY FOR THE SAILOR!! The surgeon checked me out and decided that surgery would be useless.  She (yup, had to be a she, didn’t it?) explained that in a week or so my butt would just naturally fall off. No, she said that my body was absorbing the clot nicely and that surgery, at this point, wouldn’t really help.  She prescribed a couple of tubes of some sort of numbing salve, suggested we keep one hidden away for any possible repeat, and sent us on our way. We and us because Dian insisted on accompanying me.  Not so she could make sure that I … Read entire article »

erg ..

Okay, on the one hand, I like that the VA is moving quickly on my little problem and has already scheduled me to meet and be evaluated by a surgeon.  It happens tomorrow at ten. On the other hand, it means I have to display my asshole to yet another person.  Worse, one who might be wielding a blade near it in the not too distant future.  Which brings up the entire “cutting on my body” issue, which has never worked all that well for me in the past.  Okay, granted that the others were not doctors, but the principle is the same. Then we come to the far more basic concept of somebody – anybody – … Read entire article »

Aw … damn.

Sigh … the irony of this little post will only be apparent to a parent.  My mother, to be exact. Sometime between tomorrow and the first of the new year, I will be meeting with a surgeon to be evaluated for surgery.  What kind of surgery, you ask, heart aflutter at possible medical dangers looming for your favorite sailor? Hemorrhoidal surgery, dear shipmates. Yes, what was once considered impossible has happened at last … Typhoid Mary has come down with a fever.  I once had a Chief Petty Officer who swore up and down (but just mainly swore at me) that I’d never fall prey to migraine or hemorrhoid, since I was obviously a carrier. So much for that … Read entire article »

Next Page »